mind and metaphor

1:56am: Quote of the day...
"..I feel like we're a major soap opera disguising itself as a multiple system..."

said in conversation, only half in jest.
-m

5:11pm: ethics
Bah. I think it is time we write something about ethics here. Ethical codes older than those most people now use. Because it seems a subject for confusion all too much now.

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4:11pm: testing...
does the new user-icon work? we shall see.

2:38pm: School registration, part 2
Well. That's done. I feel rather accomplished. I wen't by the bank, paid for school, picked up forms, paid a bill. I also spent far more money that was prudent but *I* wnated that book. And so did m, I just think she didn't intend to buy it then. Well, that, plus the velvet ribbon to tie my hair back with, but she'd promised we'd budget some for months, and I was *tired* of waiting. I can't find the right width, or the color I truly wanted, but at least I have some. And lunch. I suppose I *shouldn't* have picked up lunch, but bread and good milk is *hardly* extravagant. And I haven't had good milk in *ages*. I guess it's that m doesn't like it much, and her mother.. wants lactose free.. So we'll have to spend money we didn't mean to later this week.. I *deserve* the occasional indulgence..

-feichin

4:21am: *sigh* I'm on the "wrong" sleep schedule again. I'm supposed to be up in the morning to run a gazillion errands with mom, only one of which really benefits me. And she wants *me* to wake her up. and I can't sleep. Was just lying there restless. It's nice to be done with school. I'm happy about that, but then I have to be responsible for my grandmother this week while mom is gone. and this means making descisions. For her health, or at least postponing the docs while I try to check with mom. Which, as I realized tonight, means if I don't have a drink or 6 tomorrow night, means I can't responsibly have one for another week. and I've really been wanting a drink or 3 in the name of stress relief. Way too much going on. I still wish I could talk to my brother. It would help. Bah. I've wanted that, for one reason or another, since march... it's august. I'm gonna have to give up, if i can, for a while about the whole talking to him thing.... it's not like it's likely to happen soon. I'm gonna have to learn how to grow up, to be independant just as I have been. And I don't know what it is I'm suppose d to do. it seems like there is something expected of me, but what I am not sure..

2:07am: So I know I haven't posted anything in a while. I haven't been out much. Not sure why, just haven't. But on a brighter note, we got a call from my cousin, and got to go to coffee with him. Not that I heard much in the way of family news, but we had people with us.. and he has to train his..... attatchment how to protect herself. I'm sorry, but I won't consider anything binding whne the other party refers to their main purpose in life as being "decorative". He could do better, so much better. WOnder why he hasn't. BUt he looks much more his normal self this tyme. much more. Don't know how else to put it, but he's back to the dark bratling he's always been. Including the sense of mischief. Realistically, we've both been rather popular this evening, even if he isn't fully aware of me. 4 ppl tried to get in touch today, and we wen't out with some of them. Was really a plus.. Neither of us want to do what has to be done tomorrow, and haven't decided which to do, stay up and go, or sleep first, wake up, and go. But we will. make ourselves. even if it sin't a fun thing..

-h

7:12am: Well. I went out agian tonight, and we seemed to handle the noise better. Until a group of loud drunken idiot showed up. Cussing excessively, just for the sake of it. We about got up and asked them to "please refain from the use of vulgar language, as there is a lady present" We didn't however, but we left after that.

I still am uncomfortable with people being too close to me, unless I know them well, and it is brief contact. I mean I don't even want to have someone sitting on the same side of a booth as us.

Looking at things, I think I might have been better served by staying home though. A friend posted a very unpleasant set of thought on private in her lj. She says she's ok, but I won't be happy ubtil I talk to her. We've been friends something like 10 years. I want to know she's all right, that she knows I would have *found* a way over there. No matter what.

Ow. Fucking ow. My shoulder hurts. Damn that old wound of heron's and double damn it for hurting. I wish we could consult some of the others to see if this kind of thing happens to them too, but I only know where 2 are, and that isn't a very good sample.

Hope today improves. Have to call about school status, find out how many hours = full time student during the summer term. I really hope it isn't the same amount as the rest of the tiem. I don't think I would deal well with any more classes than we are already scheduled for. But if I'm not full time, I will either have to get a job.... or do something my mom qualifies as "productive" such as exercise and lose weight, work around the house, etc. Never mind that I have things of my own that I need to work on. That doesn't matter, especially since I won't explain. I won't tell her about heron. Can't. Not a safe thing to say. At all. I couldn't deal with it. She'd blame my brother, tell me to stay away from him, and many of my friends, and I can't do that, however scanty a support system they are these days.

So much for looking after me until I got things handled. As soon as I got a basic grasp, at all, I got less and less help, less reassurance, until he dissappeared again. He'll be back, but how can I count on him. when he left while I needed him. Again. I want my boys. They wouldn't have gone. Not unless they had to. I could have curled up with them, and watched them chase the nightmares away. They'd have come the 200+ miles, just to help, even if it was only for a weekend.

I miss them. Like heron, I will dedicat theis to them. To my love, and to my swordbrother.

mollie

11:01pm: communication failure
How is it, that when I speak to my mother in plain simple english, she only seems to understand about a quarter of what I say? And unfortunately, this defecit seems to go both ways, because I understand maybe half of what she claims to have said as well. And I am not even thinking or processing the information in the language in question.

Both of us can make ourselves reasonably understood by *other* people. And the subjects in question can be as simple as plans to go somewhere and get something taken care of. Simple when, where and how logistics. Somehow it still falls apart, and is then, of course, *my* fault.

Nevermind the defecit when trying to communicte less tangible things.... " I need to spend these two weeks on myself, being selfish." I say.
"Ok, so I'll just stay out of your way and leave you alone." she says then.

2 days later "When are things going to change around here. What are you going to do for me? Things have to change." she says.

Leads me to wonder where the comprehension was? I couldn't even bring it up again right then, because it would have gotten me nowhere.

I know that heron and I *have* to spend this 2 weeks we have off of school taking care of ourselves, because we are terribly burnt out, and still want to run away from *everything*

In fact, we wanted to really badly this morning, and instead spent it working on school, only to have the plans fall through because of poor communication. WHich led to non-productive argument. Which led to further stress, and us hibernating instead of being productive.

7:21pm:

</tr>

Arcane Blades's Battle Imp is

Eaem

Backstabbing: 6 Dodgin': 10 Guts: 2 Magic Mojo: 1 Smackdown: 9

</td> Will your battle imp beat Arcane Blades's? Enter your name and fight.

5:30pm: Psychology teachers who know not of what they speak...
So I was paying attention in mollie's psych class today, since they were discussing multiples. The teacher is a misinformed idiot. We do not: all have the same friends outside our system, all stem from abuse, all need to integrate, all have almost no clue about our multiplicity, all goi to therapists. On the other hand, she did mention that multiplicity shows up on some brain scans, so it may actually be *real* WELL DUH!!! sorry, but her attitude was irritating. I think the idea of multiples scares and confuses her. She certainly had no idea that there was one in class. ;P After all it's so very"rare" Howabout people like you keep thos who are functional from speaking, airhead? I managed to keep my mouth shut, but I really wanted to correct her, forcibly. repetitively...

and the class didn't get it anyways. WE are not neccesarily supposed to be single, nor do we all want to be.. some of us communicate just fine most of the time.

heron

4:00am: weird experiences/thoughts
so this is prompted by some email I am reading on thinning of the veils, and a reminder of the weird things that happened at the club last night. while we were dancing, I think more heron than anone else, we felt/heard the metal edges of heron's wings clink together under his vest. Not in theusual sense of feeling phantom wings, but as if, for a second, they were REAL. they seemed, just for that split second to be real like my arm is real, and while it was neat, it was also frightening, because we were in a public place, and even if we had friends there, they only know about mollie. not me.. and I think it would weird them our if a dragon suddenly sprouted razor edged birds wings in the middle of a club while still in human form. the normals would, i don't even know what.. and our friends would be disturbed, maybe too much so to help us get away. we kind of wonder why my wings and not hers thoug. mollie has been awake to a degree all of this lifetime, me only a few months, and before that, not since my death millenia ago. I want them back, badly, I want them real.. but it would be dangerous, unless it happened to lots of people... but anyway, makes me wonder if the veils truly are thinning, and what this means for the rate at which we are progressing towards the things to come.
mostly heron, for what its worth.